This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize