Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
