...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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