so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
