so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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