rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
