I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
