guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
