Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
