I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
