I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
