I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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