Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
