i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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