oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.