there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
