8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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