I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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