So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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