I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She bit a glass in half.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
