Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
