I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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