I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize