Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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