this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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