hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
