:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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