So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
