Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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