Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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