he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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