So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
