I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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