Do you still have your period?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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