Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
