the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would ride that face into the sunset
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
