it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
