you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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