I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
