Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
