brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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