Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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