i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
