I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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