sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
