Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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