this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
