I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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