I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
