I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
