I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
