I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
