you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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