apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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