i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this will be a night to untag.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
