real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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