You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
