The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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