why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
