I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
