I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
