I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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