we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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