We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
