some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
