They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
