After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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